


They really are a scream

by Serpensortia_parapluie



Category: Addams Family - All Media Types, Camp Camp (Web Series), The Addams Family (Movies)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-22
Updated: 2018-01-22
Packaged: 2019-03-08 06:49:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13452774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Serpensortia_parapluie/pseuds/Serpensortia_parapluie
Summary: Wednesday and Pugsley are once again sent to summer camp. This camp, however, is far from 'normal' as a summer camp can get.





	They really are a scream

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to write a Camp Camp fic, and it seemed a Addams Family crossover would be all my muse would agree to. Set after the first season of Camp Camp, and it fiddles with the Addams Family timeline, in that all the events of Addams Family Values happened just as they did in the movie, only set sometime in the 2010s instead of the 90s. Title was taken directly from the Addams Family theme song- I'm pretty sure it was the original show's theme.  
> I'm not happy with parts of this, but I am not pointing them out, because that is a thing I've noticed I have a tendency towards. Overall, I'm pleased enough with it and as of now, have no intentions of continuing.  
> I do not own, nor am I associated with either the creators/owners of the _Addams Family_ nor the _Camp Camp_ webseries. I do not give my permission for my work to be shared on sites like Goodreads. Comments and constructive criticism is greatly appreciated and helps me improve.

Wednesday was not pleased. “Mother, Father, why are you sending us to summer camp this year? You know last time was just an excuse to get us out of the way so Debbie could try and kill Uncle Fester.”

“And it ended in bloodshed and fire.” her mother agreed amicably, tending her roses.

“No murder though.” her father sighed.

“Pity.” Morticia answered, eyes hooded.

Gomez pulled a smoking cigar from his breast pocket and took a long pull from it before opening his mouth to release a large cloud of smoke and the words, “We’ve heard just awful things about this Camp… Campbell, and we think you two might just enjoy yourselves if you let it happen. It’s nothing like that cheery Chippewa camp you went to last year, nothing at all.”

Mother said, “We’ve signed you up for ‘Evading the Law’ camp, Pugsley dear. Cameron Campbell, the owner of the camp, has been an internationally wanted fugitive going on decades now, so I’m sure he has very useful advice.”

“Oh, goody!” Pugsley exclaimed, like the sycophantic suck-up he could sometimes be.

“There’s an ‘Evading the Law’ camp?” Wednesday asked sardonically, lifting a single brow. She doubted that. Unless it was run by a distant branch of their family, no summer camp she’d ever heard of offered such a practical course.

No one answered her.

Wednesday still wasn’t convinced, and she didn’t need to say anything aloud to make it clear to her parents, who exchanged an amused and affectionate glance like she wasn’t standing right in front of them with two perfectly working eyes in her head.

Honestly, sometimes it was like they thought she was a _child_.

-

Two weeks later, standing in front of an offensively cheerful man below a decrepit sign that clearly once had the words ‘Camp Campbell’ but now only read ‘Camp Camp’, Wednesday still was not convinced this was worth her time.

On the other side of the counselor was a boy a year or two younger than her, seemingly just as pleased as she was to be there.

“You must be Wednesday and Pugsley Addams! We’ve been looking forward to having you two here with us at Camp Campbell, right Max?”

“David, you’re fucking blind. Clearly, they’re just as happy as I am to be in this miserable shit-hole again.”

“Max!” David scolded. “Language! You need to set a good example for our new campers as a veteran camper!”

Max rolled his eyes, and his entire head along with them. “Whatever.”

David smiled. “Wednesday, Pugsley, meet Max- he stayed here last summer, so he can show you two around!”

Max snorted. “Shyeah, no. I’m gonna wait right here for Nikki and Neil. They’re the only bearable things about this hell-hole.”

David smiled brightly. He seemed to be utterly sincere in his obvious cheer. It was terrifying. “I’m sure your friends will be happy to see you too! Nikki and Neil can help you show the Addams around when they get here! That’s a great idea, Max!”

Max smacked a hand to his forehead. “Fucking dumbass.” he muttered.

Pugsley looked up at David’s beaming grin, reflecting the mid-morning sun, then back down to Max’s glower aimed at the middle distance. “Is he always like this?”

Green eyes flashed over to inspect both Pugsley and Wednesday, before darting back down the winding dirt road. “You have _no_ fucking idea.”

-

Indeed, it seemed they didn’t, because it turned out that David was even more chipper than the counselors they had to deal with last year, at Camp Chippewa. According to Max, he was even harder to shake from his cheery disposition. That is, if any of his anecdotes had a sliver of legitimacy. (Well. She said ‘anecdotes’, she meant ‘snide corrections to David’s excited tale-telling’.)

Apparently, David’s attitude hadn’t even taken a serious murder attempt via a Rube Goldberg machine as incentive enough to dim his enthusiasm to a more reasonable level. Wednesday took Max’s stories with a grain of salt, because if even half of what he casually mentioned had happened for real, she didn’t understand how the camp was still up and running. Besides having no discernible safety guidelines for any of the campers, it also appeared to lose money faster than it could make it.

Even Pugsley, as gullible as he was, didn’t seem to be buying any of it until a run-down school bus arrived and two more children with it. The boy was nothing special- he reminded her of Joel, but only distantly. They shared a slightly similar accent on some particular words and seemed to share a nervous disposition.

The girl, however, had _green_ hair, which appeared to be perfectly natural, given her eyebrows matched. How… intriguing. The first thing she did after disembarking was growl, then throw herself at Pugsley who yelped, and bite him, and then throw herself at David and bite _him_.

David screamed.

Pugsley did not. He did, however, grow concernedly besotted-looking.

The girl shook herself, then playfully punched the tall boy in the shoulder, knocking him back a few feet, and fist-bumping Max.

“Hey, Max, what’s up? Oh,” she turned to David who was still nursing his bleeding hand, and Pugsley who was gaping. “Sorry about the bite. Establishing dominance, you know how it is.” She frowned up at David. “David, are you _still_ crying? Get over it, I’m more alpha than you!”

Max nodded. “Nikki. Neil. Finally, some sane company.” He glanced over at the Addams siblings. “Well. I don’t know how sane you two are yet, but given you’re at this camp, I’m gonna go with not all that sane. No one else seems to be.”

“Uh, Nikki- I’m pretty sure he’s crying because you bit him so hard he’s bleeding.” Neil added.

Max eyed David contemplatively, edging away from his excessive tears. “Hey David, you have had your rabies shot, right? You know Nikki’s going to bite you again tomorrow, and who knows what’s been in her mouth.”

Tearily, David nodded. “Uh-huh. Hey kids-” he visibly forced a smile. “Why don’t you three and Wednesday and Pugsley here get to know each other while I go find Gwen and the first-aid kit?”

The three camp veterans turned to look at the Addams, more or less all at once. Pugsley didn’t seem to notice, too intent on aiming his blowgun at a man with a hook for a hand creeping up on them in the bushes.

Wednesday merely raised an eyebrow. She knew it was not as elegant as her mother’s, but she hoped that with time she would grow into it.

“So.” Max said, rocking back on his heels. “What did you do for your parents to toss you to this shit-hole?”

“They’re going on another honeymoon.” Pugsley said, answering Max.

Nikki, meanwhile, was eying up Wednesday’s hands contemplatively.

“If you bite me, I will find some dentistry pliers and pull every single last tooth out of your head, one by one, as you writhe and scream, begging for mercy.”

Nikki stopped inching forward, raising her hands defensively and stepping back. “Whoa! What’d ya even _do_ with my teeth, anyway?”

Wednesday said to Nikki, “Make a necklace.” before turning to Max to say, “We burnt our last summer camp to the ground, so Mother and Father couldn't send us back there anyway.”

Nikki’s eyes turned wide and round, and even Max looked begrudgingly impressed. “You burnt your last summer camp to the ground!? That’s _awesome!_ ” He then coughed and looked a little embarrassed at himself. “I mean, that’s cool, I guess. We set this place on fire too, but that didn’t close it down at all, which was disappointing.”

“What’d the camp do to you?” Neil asked, eyes narrowed and hands held defensively in front of his chest.

Wednesday turned dead eyes onto the boy. “They tried making us sing ‘Kumbaya’ with them. Over. And over. Again.”

Pugsley added, “And they made me dress as a Turkey for a Thanksgiving play they wrote and made us perform in mid-August.”

“The stupid play the counselors wrote promoted white supremacy and the white-washing of history. They prevented us from escaping Camp Chippewa and saving our uncle from the horrors of matrimony with a woman who only wanted to marry him so she could kill him and inherit his fortune. That wasn’t the worst of it though. Mother told me she decorated her mansion in pastels.” said Wednesday.

“They locked us in the ‘harmony hut’ and made us watch happy movies. All. Day. Long.” Pugsley shuddered, lost in the bad memories.

Max eyed Wednesday suspiciously. “What did you do to them?”

Wednesday smiled, for a given value of the word ‘smile’.

“Burned them at the stake.”

“Wicked!” Nikki gasped.

Neil’s whiny voice interrupted. “Did you _really_ burn them at the stake? I feel like that would have made the news, and I haven’t heard of anything like that.”

“They survived, unfortunately.” Wednesday said.

“How?!” asked Nikki.

Wednesday frowned, and deigned to answer, so it was Pugsley who told them glumly, how the Chippewa camp counselors survived. “The fire department showed up and put them out. We almost got arrested, but Mother and Father showed up first.”

“Awesome.” breathed Nikki, starry-eyed.

Max scoffed. “That’s nothing, you should hear half of what we got up to at this shitty place last year.”

Wednesday did not smile, since she was not the type to smile, but something about her did seem unsettlingly pleased. “That sounds like a challenge.”

An answering glint rose in Max’s green eyes. “You’re on.”

It was the beginning of one hell of a summer.

**Author's Note:**

> Come visit me at my tumblr, [serpensortia-parapluie](https://serpensortia-parapluie.tumblr.com)!


End file.
